KALMers, if you’ve ever supported a team in a soccer match, a singer in The Voice, or a candidate in an election: chances are you know the thrill of winning and the devastating feeling of losing.
We at KALM know that competitiveness can be amazing for your self-development.
We don’t have to be an athlete to know that competitiveness can drive people to push harder towards their goals. It helps them anticipate rewards and successful outcomes, gain an adrenaline-fueled focus, and feel a fun thrill that’s hard to find anywhere else.
Competition builds resilience, mental toughness, and sportsmanship. Through it, we improve our skills, our work ethic, our grit.
In sports, however, winning is determined by scores and points where it is mostly black and white. KALM understands that in our everyday life, it may not feel that way.
Winning/Losing in Life
In life there are many things that feel like a competition with winners and losers.
Maybe you’ve had a breakup recently and you want to show your ex that you’re doing better than them. Maybe there is an argument you’ve been having with your mom for the longest time. Maybe you have been slaving at your sales targets to beat your colleagues in getting that promotion at work.
Maybe you’re scrolling through Instagram and your heart hurts to see a picture of a friend from high school, posing on some beautiful island in Italy, while you’re knee-deep in laundry: miserable.
Some may argue that to stop feeling so terrible about ourselves like this, we should stop feeling that life is a competition. But that’s not the real problem, KALMers.
The real problem is fear. We look at the world and see “Winners” versus “Losers”. Our fear of being labeled as a “Loser” overshadows our desire to be one of the “Winners”.
The real problem is fear. We look at the world and see “Winners” versus “Losers”. Our fear of being labeled as a “Loser” overshadows our desire to be one of the “Winners”.
You Lose When You Are Always Afraid of Losing
When we are driven by the fear of being a “Loser”, our performance becomes tied to our identity. If we are not pretty enough, smart enough, making enough money – it is our identity that is under attack. Dr. Karl Albrecht, author of more than 20 business, psychology and self-help books, refers to this as the fear of an “Ego-Death“. Thus, instead of achieving standards of excellence, the ultimate goal of their actions is to prevent other people from calling them a “Loser”.
Someone who is driven by the fear of losing:
- Cannot focus on their real goals, it is difficult to make any progress in achieving them
- Is more likely to lie, cheat, or engage in unethical behaviour
- Reacts and makes decisions in a fight/flight mode, not with a clear head
- Cannot come to terms with undesirable outcomes and avoids seeing their own faults
- Builds resentment in their heart toward other people
- Uses other people for their own advantage
- Cannot see the value of learning from their competition
KALMers, if we are always scared to be labeled a “Loser”, we will feel miserable most of the time and never be at peace.
A Winning Mindset
Compare this mindset to one of an Olympic athlete. We don’t see these athletes glancing left and right in a race, worrying about whether they are losing. They simply fix their eyes on their goal: the finish line. They have a winning mindset.
Like Olympic athletes, someone who has a winning mindset:
- Focuses and works hard on themselves and other factors that are within their control
- Sees losses and failures as opportunities to learn to be better
- Does not engage in unethical behaviour – They want to win because of their ability, not at the expense of other competitors
- Focuses on achieving small goals that lead to their ultimate goal
- Respects other competitors and is not scared to learn from them
- Uplifts other people to strive towards their goals, too
KALMers, can you see the difference between someone who is always afraid of losing and someone who wants to win?
It’s a Choice
At the end of the day, each individual’s wins and losses are simply something that happened to us, they don’t necessarily define who we are. What defines us is how we respond to it.
So what will you choose, KALMers? Become someone who is driven to win or someone who is too scared of losing?
YOU decide.
By: Evannia Handoyo
References:
https://hbr.org/2018/12/when-competition-between-coworkers-leads-to-unethical-behavior
Competitive Sport: Are You motivated to win or just to avoid failure?
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