Worse, most toxic relationships will lead to abuse, whether it is in the form of physical, sexual, psychological, or financial.
Have you ever seen someone who is in a relationship but seem unhappy or even miserable? Or are you experiencing that yourself? If that’s the case, you may want to consider whether you are trapped in a toxic relationship.
Dr. Asa Dan Brown says that a toxic relationship is any kind of relationship which is disadvantageous for you or the other party. Worse, most toxic relationships will lead to abuse, whether it is in the form of physical, sexual, psychological, or financial. This abuse is often used to maintain power and control over the other party.
Abuse by Romantic Partner
According to the Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection of the Republic of Indonesia, out of 10,847 cases of violence against women in 2018, whether physically, psychologically, or sexually, 2,090 times the perpetrator is their boyfriends.
Abuse can happen in all kinds of relationships, from friendships to family. However, it often occurs in romantic or dating relationships. According to the Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection of the Republic of Indonesia, out of 10,847 cases of violence against women in 2018, whether physically, psychologically, or sexually, 2,090 times the perpetrator is their romantic partners.
Emotional Abuse is Still Abuse
KALMers might think that abuse in a relationship only happens when there is physical violence. However there are other forms of abuse, such as emotional abuse. Some examples of emotional abuse that could be perpetrated by a romantic partner are when they:
- Like to purposely embarrasses you in public
- Forbid you to speak or connect to your friends or family
- Like to insult and degrade you
- Threaten to commit suicide if you end the relationship
- Give threats to harm your family or friends
- Blame you for their negative behaviours and attitude
When It Rains It Pours
Not only that, KALMers, just like when it rains it pours, there are further negative effects when you are in an abusive romantic relationship, such as:
- Being susceptible to high blood pressure, heart attack, and obesity
- Difficulties in starting and maintaining romantic relationships with other people in the future
- Having a higher risk in substance abuse and eating disorders
- Having a higher risk for depression and other mental problems
- Risk for self-harm and suicide increases significantly
Is That You?
We always feel “tired” when we interact with them
Do you understand now, KALMers, how dangerous abuse is for you both physically and emotionally? Therefore, we must know some of the signs if we ourselves or someone we care for are trapped in such unhealthy relationships:
- There are efforts by the other person to intimidate that lead to coercion or excessive control
- They try to hurt us and it leads to physical abuse or violence
- They try to hurt us psychologically – by baseless jealousy or even through infidelity
- In a conflict, they do not know how to control their emotions and seems explosive
- The other person does not care about our rights and boundaries
- We always feel “tired” when we interact with them
KALM is Here For You
If this is what you are feeling, then do not hesitate to talk to a Kalmselor. They can help guide and even help you to create a safety plan if that is what you need.
We hope that KALMers now know that being stuck in an unhealthy relationship is detrimental to or can even endanger your life. So it is time for you to choose whether to stay or leave that relationship.
Maybe there are some of you who want to leave that relationship but do not know how to do it or even how to start. Maybe you are also afraid of what would happen to you if you really leave them. If this is what you are feeling, then do not hesitate to talk to a Kalmselor. They can help guide and even help you to create a safety plan if that is what you need.
Sometimes to keep yourself together you must allow yourself to leave. Even if breaking your own heart is what it takes to let you breathe (Evin Harson).
Writer: Andi Novianti Rukmana
Helwig et all (2008) Risk perception of dating violence among collage women, Journal of social and clinical Psychology, New york, Vol 27.