Breaking Up Isn’t Easy To Do
No kidding! KALMers, we all know that breaking up is such a messy, tiring, and painful process. It is even worse when you’re leaving a toxic relationship! You can read more about what toxic relationships are, here.
Maybe it’s been years since your breakup, but it still feels raw and lacking closure. Maybe it was just yesterday, and today you’re wondering if you made the right decision. Maybe, despite trying to breakup, you find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle of going back to that toxic ex.
KALMers, there is no ideal way to move on and heal that will definitely work for everyone and anyone.
But moving on is possible, and you can heal. Don’t worry, KALM is here to help you walk through it.
What is Real Anymore?
Studies show that what patients go through from leaving an intimate relationship can seem like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Moving on from a toxic relationship can be very complicated.
That’s because a toxic partners’ emotional abuse can warp our sense of reality. Here are some examples of red-flag behaviours in a toxic relationship that make us question what’s real and what isn’t:
- Partner demands you to distrust your family and spend less time with them.
- Partner tells you that their feelings are irrational or crazy.
- Partner acts jealous or suspicious of your friends and social groups, and demands you spend less time with them.
- Partner blames you for their bad or violent actions.
- Partner puts down your intelligence in front of other people.
- Partner puts down your appearance or attractiveness, implying that he/she is the “best” partner you can date.
Through social isolation, playing up insecurities of intelligence or appearance, and building a narrative of self-blaming in their partners, toxic partners leave serious scars and destruction behind in their significant other.
Once our sense of reality is warped in this way, moving on from toxic relationships become an impossible uphill climb or a relentless battle. We wonder:
- whether our pain is real or valid,
- whether it was our fault and not the other person’s,
- or whether our uncertain future is worth it after all.
Studies show that what patients go through from leaving an intimate relationship, especially a toxic one, can seem like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are flooded with feelings of unworthiness, fear of never finding a better relationship with someone else, or even guilt and blaming themselves.
A Second Voice
“You will be ok. Your pain was real. It’s not your fault.”
That’s why, when you are assaulted with these feelings, KALMers, you need a second voice.
You need an outside perspective, a person who will tell you the truth, someone who will affirm your feelings and encourage you to want healing.
This can be a friend or a family member. Someone who can help you with something as simple as texting you, “You will be ok. Your pain was real. It’s not your fault.”
You can even do this yourself, by writing a letter to yourself that you can open up and read whenever you are in doubt! You can record a voice note, write it in a journal.
Or, you can chat with one of our Kalmselors. They will not only encourage you to move forward, but give you tools and exercises to flourish!
The Best Way to Move On From a Toxic Relationship is Together
You will learn how to take care of your body, take care of your heart, and take care of your mind.
Breaking up may not be easy to do, but it is a great opportunity to grow as an individual, and with your community. You will learn about yourself, and the ways you love and want to be loved. You will learn how to take care of your body, take care of your heart, and take care of your mind.
You will learn that you are stronger than you seem. Especially when you link arms with people and let yourself be supported by friends, family, and counselors.
KALMers, you’re not alone. We are here, cheering you on this path of moving on!
Author: Evannia Handoyo