Hi KALMers, are you familiar with the term insecurity?
Maybe you’ve heard other people say,
“I’m insecure about my appearance”
“I feel insecure about my work because it’s not perfect, should I not turn it in?”
“I’m afraid to do that”
“I’m afraid that other people look at me badly”
Some of the sentences above do not even use the word insecure but all of those sentences are actually the expressions of feelings arising from insecurity. But what exactly is the definition of insecurity?
The Definition of Insecurity?
Insecurity is an unsafe or anxious feeling that usually arises because it is triggered when we feel we are in a certain unsafe or inferior position. Feeling insecure is actually normal for everyone to experience at certain times.
For example, when we are given a pop quiz on a subject we are not good at or when we have to pass through a small and dark alley after hearing of a terrifying incident the night before. It’s natural that KALMers might feel insecure at such times.
On the other hand, feelings of insecurity can keep on haunting us even without any triggers. Such a thing of course can be disturbing and makes us uncomfortable. This condition is usually called generalised insecurity. So, what causes this condition?
What Could Cause Someone to Feel Insecure
# 1 Types Of Attachment During Childhood
What we meant by attachment is the emotional attachment between child and primary caregiver, usually one’s parents, in life. There are four types of attachment: secure, avoidant, anxious and disorganized. What is the connection between feelings of insecurity and attachment types in our childhood?
The type of attachment that is accepted and built and as a child will be a model for someone to interpret relationships with others in adulthood. It has been found that if a child grows up with a type of attachment other than secure, it is most likely they will grow up to become a person who is insecure.
If KALMers wants to know more about the types of attachment, you can visit KALM’s Instagram page [link]
Did you grow up with parents who did not care, are abusive, or rarely present for you? These could be the cause of your insecurity, KALMers!
#2 Failure And Rejection
Everyone must have experienced failure and rejection in one way or another in their lives. When we have worked hard but we failed or the outcome was not as expected, surely a sense of disappointment will arise, right?
Sometimes these failures leave us with a feeling of trauma, so that we become afraid to try again or less confident in the future. It is the same with the experience of rejection. Maybe we have been rejected or hurt by a partner. Moving forward, we might become so worried that we never wanted to start building any relationships.
Things that cause trauma like this, if not managed properly, could cause feelings of insecurity that continue to exist within us.
When you have high standards in all of your activities and work, certainly you will use all your abilities to try and achieve those standards. But there’s a difference between trying to do your best and trying to be perfect, KALMers.
If you always demand yourself to do everything perfectly, you will always feel inadequate. Often you will not be able to complete the work because of a looming sense of insecurity. You will always say, “This isn’t perfect, I have to fix it.” KALMers, perfectionist’ traits can make you mentally and physically unwell, one of which is that you will be continually feeling insecure.
Do You Feel Insecure? Don’t Leave It Just Like That
Feelings of insecurity, if left untreated, will not only disrupt our daily lives but also can reduce our quality of life. Because of feeling insecure,we could have low self-esteem, have difficulties in forming friendships or romantic relationships, and it can get us stuck in toxic relationships because we don’t feel secure enough to express our feelings. Surely we do not want that to happen to us.
If you want to know more about the danger of toxic relationship you can read it in this Article [link].
This is why KALM is here for you. KALM can be a safe place for you to share about your feelings and we will accompany you to process them together. Don’t hesitate to contact a Kalmselor (KALM Professional Online Counselor) that you can find in the online counseling application KALM [Link].
See you there, KALMers!
Author: Nur Alya Imalya
Editor: Lukas L
Good Therapy. (2019, 12 Mei). Insecurity. Retrived From https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/insecurity
Manson, M. Attachment theory. Retrieved From https://markmanson.net/attachment-theory
Psychology Today. (2015, 06 Desember).
The 3 most common causes of insecurity and how to beat them. Retrived From https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/the-3-most-common-causes-insecurity-and-how-beat-them