When We Have the Fear of Falling in Love…
In the previous KALM article (link), we discussed the issue of philophobia, as well as its causes and impacts on a person. As previously explained, if philophobia was caused by trauma as was the case with “S”, professional guidance is necessary. If left on its own, philophobia may lead to anxiety, depression and even suicidal ideation.
Note: If any of you KALMers require professional counselling guidance, you can use the KALM application If any of you KALMers are seeking professional counselling, you can use our KALM mobile application where you will be matched with one of our 200+ counsellors and professional psychologists who can help you overcome the issues you are experiencing (download here).
However, if the fear of falling in love is not caused by trauma, there are a few things you can do to reduce the fear.
Tips On What To Do When We Have the Fear of Falling in Love
Learning from the past
If you were “broken hearted” from a romantic relationship, this surely occurred outside the context of “childhood trauma”. Try to be an individual who can accept and learn from their past. For example, if your romantic relationship ended due to lack of vulnerability, then try to be more open and develop more empathy and understanding in subsequent relationships.
Tips: Are any of you KALMers unsure how to identify what is causing the breakdown in the relationship? Or unsure how to change from the negative habits? Even if you have attempted to ask your family and friends? Why not speak to one of our KALMselors?
As humans, we can train ourselves to view issues from different perspectives. Create a more positive condition and establish good communication. For example, upon entering a new relationship, throw away negative thoughts such as “my partner might not really love me”, or immediately assume that your partner might leave at any time if you become unattractive. These thoughts need to be promptly neutralized by assessing the situation from multiple angles.
It is not that our partners don’t love us, but it is us that need to love ourselves. It is not that our partners might leave us but how we can grow to become a mature and independent adult.
A person with philophobia might experience anxiety attacks when falling in love. What you KALMers need to do when this occurs is by talking to yourself and reprogramming your thoughts with positive affirmation.
Note: When anxiety attacks occur, you can tell yourself, “I am now experiencing anxiety, but it is okay. This feeling of anxiety will pass. I just need to accept it and wait for it to pass. It will be okay after that”.
Learn to stop regretting the past
Do something to try to move on from what has occurred. We cannot change the past. However, we still have today and tomorrow. Accept what has happened and see it as an opportunity to be better. Be responsible for making yourself happy and your life meaningful.
Ask God to change your perspective on love
As humans it is impossible to avoid feelings of pain and joy, sorrow and love. Involve God, so that you KALMers can change your negative perspective on love to positive.
Hopefully the tips that KALM is suggesting can help you overcome the fear of being in love.
Writer: Kalmselor Dwi Surya Purwanti, M. Psi., Psikolog (Kalmselor’s Code: DWI-888)
Note: You can counsel with Kalmselor Dwi through KALM by using Kalmselor’s Code: DWI-888
Editor: Lukas Limanjaya
Translator: Jessie Yunus
Atkinson, dkk. (2005). Pengantar Psikologi. Jakarta: Erlangga.
Meva Nareza. (2020). Terapi Kognitif Perilaku untuk Menangani Berbagai Masalah Psikologis. Di akses pada hari Kamis pada tanggal 10 Desember 2020 dari https://www.alodokter.com/terapi-kognitif-perilaku-untuk-menangani-berbagai-masalah.
Yan Nurindra. (2013). Forgiveness Therapy : Teknik Yang Dapat Diterapkan Di Berbagai Kasus. Di akses pada hari Kamis pada tanggal 10 Desember 2020 dari https://www.hipnotis.net/forgiveness-therapy-teknik-yang-dapat-diterapkan-di berbagaikasus/#:~:text=Forgiveness%20Therapy%20dapat%20diartikan%20sebagai%20terapi%20pengampunan.&text=Pengampunan%20terhadap%20pihak%2Dpihak%20yang,berbuat%20kesalahan%20terhadap%20diri%20klien.