What comes to your mind when you hear about the fairy tale of Cinderella? A beautiful, kind girl? A girl who endures the cruelty of her stepmother? Or maybe KALMers want to be like Cinderella?
But! Wait a minute!
KALMers did you know that the Cinderella fairy tale became the backdrop for the psychological conditions that often happen to women in modern times? This phenomenon is called Cinderella Complex. Do you want to know more? Check out the following explanation!
What is Cinderella Complex?
First of all, do you remember the fairy tale? The figure of Cinderella in the classic fairy tale by Charles Perrault is described as a girl who lives languishing under the torture and cruelty of her mother and stepsisters after her father died. Cinderella’s life finally turned around to a happy ending when she met Prince Charming at the ball. Her story and the magic of the fairy godmother’s wand make this fairy tale timeless.
So what does this have to do with the Cinderella Complex phenomenon?
In simple terms, the Cinderella Complex made it so that women judge themselves and their quality of lives based on their protective figure – in this case, their romantic partner. Women with this syndrome have a fear of independence and depend on their partner to provide them with their happiness. Instead of seeking their own happiness, they are convinced they need to wait upon a “Prince Charming” first who will then bring that happiness to them.
What Causes Cinderella Complex?
Apparently, this syndrome can be caused by differences in parenting style between boys and girls, KALMers!
Most parenting styles cause girls to receive less encouragement to be independent. They are given a more protective parenting style and less encouragement to build self-identity. The relationship between girls and parents which tends to be more harmonious also gives less chance in her exploration of the values of independence. As a result, girls tend to have poor life skills and lack self-confidence because they only know how to depend on others for their lives.
One major cause is the habit of pampering girls. Women with Cinderella Complex usually have a pampered childhood so they are not taught to accept the reality of life. They are given a lot of hope by fairy tales with happy endings without the knowledge that a happy ending is the result of a journey or a long process of effort and struggle.
What Are The Criteria of Women With Cinderella Complex?
- Submissive to the partner’s choices and decisions
- Feeling anxious about living alone
- Feeling difficulty in making big decisions in life
- Difficulty in supporting herself
- Prefers the role of being a housewife
- Rarely or never being outside of her comfort zone
- Openly expresses her desire to always be noticed
Tips for Overcoming Cinderella Complex
First of all, KALMers, you need to remember that the only one thing we can control is ourselves. The parenting style our parents gave us is not something we can choose or control. So because of that, these tips are for you who feel like you are experiencing this phenomenon. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. But you still can do something to better yourself!
Know Yourself Better
Self-education is a real attempt to become an independent person and apart from the “support” of the opposite sex. Expand the knowledge about your strengths and weaknesses, as well as what is good for you. The more you know yourself, the more you know how to improve and develop your strengths without depending your happiness on others.
Build Up Your Confidence
The way to build and increase self-confidence is none other than equipping ourselves with knowledge, focusing on your dreams instead of forcing others to pay attention to us. This can be done by finding hobbies that can increase our intellectual abilities and creativity. This will be easier to do if we have taken steps to get to know and understand ourselves better first.
Connect with Others
Similar to the story of Cinderella, patriarchal culture teaches us that it is enough for women to wait for a man to come to free themselves from their problems. This belief makes women tend to be passive. In reality happiness is fully in your own hand. So, you do not need to just wait, KALMers. Find opportunities to connect with other people, there is nothing wrong with picking up the ball, right?
Motivate Yourself to Take Action
You need to know, there is nothing without risk and failure in this world. Failing does not mean the end of the world. The key is to slowly learn to manage the risk and failure, and actively dare to act. Start by taking courage to take small steps and slowly learn to take bigger steps.
You can read about how to face failure in “Fail Successfully”.
Kamu bisa baca soal bagaimana caranya untuk menghadapi kegagalan di artikel “Gagal Sukses Atau Sukses Gagal”.
So that is the explanation about the Cinderella Complex phenomenon, KALMers. I hope this information is helpful!
For KALMers who feel you have Cinderella Complex tendencies and need professional help, don’t hesitate to download the KALM App (link). KALMers can use the Kalmselor code DWI-888 to consult with Kalmselor Dwi Purwanti there.
Written by: Kalmselor Dwi Purwanti
Translated by: Rachma Fitrianing Lestari
Edited by: Rachma Fitrianing Lestari & Lukas Limanjaya
Hapsari, A. (2014). Cinderella complex pada mahasiswi di Universitas Negeri Semarang. Developmental and Clinical Psychology, 3(1).Iswantiningrum, F. (2013).
Hubungan antara kematangan kepribadian dengan kecenderungan cinderella complex pada mahasiswa di asrama putri universitas negeri. Jurnal Mahasiswa Psikologi, 2(1).