KALMers, are you familiar with the phrase toxic positivity? Have you ever been trapped in a situation with toxic positive behavior? Toxic positivity has become increasingly misunderstood since the terms become popular. Don’t you agree that more and more people nowadays become too easily label anything positive as toxic positivity? This is because there has been confusion about what toxic positivity actually means.
So, what exactly is toxic positivity? Why is it so easy for people to label positive things in a toxic way? Keep on reading!
Toxic Positivity
Toxic Positivity is an obsession to always see the positive side of everything without allowing someone to express how they truly feel. It encourages us to ignore the emotions we feel related to what happens to us.
Toxic Positivity can be expressed in the following sentences:
- “Oh c’mon! Just stay positive! Other people have it a lot worse!”
- “No… no…we do not allow negativity here”
Well, there’s nothing wrong with being optimistic and seeing the bright side of things. However, we must know the line between being positive and being ‘forced’ to be positive by suppressing our emotions.
Not All Positivity are Toxic
Recently, toxic positivity has become a very interesting topic in our community. Moreover, the never ending pandemic forces us to stay positive and not validate sadness. With so much talk about toxic positivity, the concept is prone to being misinterpreted. Maybe we’ve had similar experiences. We are often hesitant to encourage others for fear of being labelled as promoting toxic positive behavior. Therefore, it is important for us to pay attention to which ones are toxic and which ones are empathy.
Toxic Positivity sentences persuade someone to always think positively, regardless of how they feel. Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to understand what another person is feeling from that person’s perspective. Based on these differences, we must carefully recognize the difference between what is positive and what is toxic.
It’s okay, even necessary sometimes, to encourage others. Especially if that person is struggling and needs our support. The important thing to remember is that before you give someone encouragement, you must validate their feelings first.
How to Avoid it?
If you want to avoid toxic positive behavior, here are some things you can do:
1. Focus on Listening
You can start with listening. The key to preventing toxic positivity is to listen without judgement. You can become more empathetic to what other people are going through if you focus on their story. That’s where you might be able to find a way to help them, instead of just saying, “That’s not a big deal. Just stay positive!”
2. Validate Negative Emotions
After listening, try to validate. Once you’ve learned to empathise, you’ll be able to validate other people’s feelings. Negative emotions, if not managed properly, can cause distress, but they can also provide useful information. It is natural to feel negative emotions when you are confronted with unpleasant situations. What needs to be done is to recognize and allow the person to experience what they should feel. Rather than rejecting the emotions with, “You’ll get over it!,” you can say something like, “I can see you’re upset, right?” It’s okay to feel your feelings,” may help.
3. Reconfirm Their Story and Give Support
Reconfirming other people’s story can give the impression that you genuinely care and are paying attention. When they have finished with their story, express your understanding of their situation and ask what you can do to help them.
Toxic positivity is frequently unnoticed, KALMers. However, we can learn to recognize our behavior and do our best not to engage in it. So we can express our feelings, both negative and positive, in a healthier way.
Read more: Signs That You May Be Suffering From Decision Fatigue, When is the Right and Best Time to Do Counseling?
If you require support regarding this topic, download the KALM App (here) right away! You can consult with various Kalmselors in the KALM App who are ready to help you through the process!
Written by: Dzulfani S Nisa
Translated by: Rachma Fitria
Edited by: Lukas Limanjaya
References:
Cherry, K. (2021, Feb 01). What Is Toxic Positivity? Very Well Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958
Razzeti, G. (2021, July 13). The Antidote to Toxic Positivity. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-adaptive-mind/202107/the-antidote-toxic-positivity
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